Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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