Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Randomize
