I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
