She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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