i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
