READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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