I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
