New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
