He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
