sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
