god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
