I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I said "one day" and that day is not today
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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