I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
