someone get that fucking seahorse.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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