A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
