i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
