I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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