Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
