Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The uberlube is also flammable
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
