I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
