So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
