You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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