why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
