Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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