Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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