If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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