white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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