My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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