We named our party play list daddy issues
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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