Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize