oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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