he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
