dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
