the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
