There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I wear drunk well.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
