hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
