I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
