he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
