someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My feet surprised me
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