so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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