Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
