Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
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