Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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