omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
