I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize