He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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