That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He's a Shit stain on my heart
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
