I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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