Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
