Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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