i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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