I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
