And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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