You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
