He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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