PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
