I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
