Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
