Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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