Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Randomize
