I met the friendliest cop last night
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
