There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
