I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
