Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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