Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
