I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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