Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
