this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
