Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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