Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...

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(707): View more from California

drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him

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(713): View more from Texas

I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now

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(309): View more from Illinois

Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?

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