I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
