I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
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