awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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