so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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