it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
